Sunday, 29 January 2012

You might think you're just making conversation, but actually, you're being really quite rude.

So, you're married. You might have been married for anything from a couple of hours to a couple of years. You're talking to someone, who might know them fairly well, you might barely know them at all, suddenly, they randomly drop the bomb.

"When are you going to have children?"

Just reading it written down like that, it seems innocent enough right? And it is innocently asked, of course, it's never meant with any maliciousness. At first it's kind of hilarious that people (even almost strangers) feel like they can ask you this incredibly personal question. I had a friend ask me at my wedding reception, and I laughed my head off, it was so crazy-out-of-the-blue. Especially when you consider I was not yet quite 20!

Fast forward a couple of years. I was at church one Sunday (where this question is especially prevalent) when someone whose name I still don't know asked me the same question. I don't remember what I said, but I do remember how I felt. And I remember crying in the car on the way home. It was a bad day, and definitely a bad day to ask me.

At that point we'd been trying to have a baby for about 18 months. We were at the stage of being tested by our wonderful GP. I had just had to have blood tests, and the reason on the form was Sub-fertility. Even seeing that word on the paper was horrible. It's a fairly long story, and though it has a happy ending, the middle was not a huge amount of fun.

I'm not angry at being asked, not anymore. Before it was something that affected me I am sure I asked it myself, but I don't now, because the real question is, what makes us think we should know something so personal? Even completely ignore the hurt caused to people in situations like I have been, or harder, How is this anyone's business except the couple? I have few people who I would be happy asking me this, and they are generally people who know my situation, and add to that the fact that I have mellowed a lot now that I have 2 children, it doesn't bother me nearly as much anymore.


A couple of weeks ago, while at church again, I happened to be out of Sacrament meeting with a particularly whingey Sam. I was pretty frazzled, Sam runs on a lot less sleep than I like to run on, and I happened to be talking to the same person who had unwittingly initiated the sob fest about 5 years ago (I still don't know her name, she's a friend of Rich's family). Can anyone guess what's coming?

After asking me how the boys were (fine, hard work, enjoying nursery school, whingey etc), came the doozy. "So, are you going to have any more?"

Seriously? I'm out wandering the hallway with a whiner. It can be enough, in the moment at least, to put off any serious broody feelings. I gave her a curt reply, inferring that two was enough (not true), and it ended the conversation and I made excuses and left.

I'm not sure why people think it's acceptable to ask. It probably doesn't even occur to them not to. All I can say is, if this is a question you would ask without thinking about it, please reconsider. I'm pretty sure I didn't tell anybody that we were trying to have a baby for at least a year. It's a difficult situation to be in.There are a lot of people out there who are desperate to have a family, and either find it difficult or impossible without medical help, or can't have children at all.

I'm not saying don't ask, just be considerate. Unless you barely know the person, then I'd say yeah, don't ask ;)

Update: This blog has now moved to - Hope to see you over there!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Christmas (A little late!)

We had a brilliant time at Christmas, with Christmas morning at home, Christmas day at Rich's parents and Boxing day at home with my parents and Jess and Jonny.

This tree is slightly different to the original tree this year - Sam decided that the lowest string of lights were ripe for the picking, and pulled them off, breaking them. On the 22nd of December. We dashed out to the shops for what I though was an easy find, Christmas lights at Christmas. Ha! Everywhere was selling off anything that was left, and what was left was rubbish. We went to B&Q, Sainsbury's, Tesco, and 2 branches of Asda, and in the 2nd Asda found some white 'berry' lights, which weren't what I was looking for, but I wanted white ones, so they'd do. I got home, stripped the tree and started over (lights HAVE to go on first don't you know!) and they looked really good. In fact I bought another box the next day as this year's tree was a bit little and so I might need more next year. So three boxes in all. Oh, and when I took the old lights off, they magically fixed themselves. I had tried to push in the bulbs again, but apparently bashing them on the floor was the way. Still, I like the new ones better!

Christmas eve we went to Pizza hut with Rich's side of the family, where Sam ruled as pizza king..
And loved it :) We were lucky, as every time we go to a restaurant, Sam is very restless, but this time my parents had taken him out in the morning and he'd had a lovely sleep, so was happy as Larry!
Christmas eve pyjamas from the elves! And gruffalo slippers this year for Ethan, he was so chuffed, and the Elves found them in Sainsbury's for a bargainous price!

Sam was less impressed, as he was totally shattered. But check out that after bath blow dried hair, it's so much fun to do it!

Christmas day! This is Sam absolutely adoring the stuffed horse Ethan picked out for him, so lovely!

The mini quad bike from Aunty Amy and co, which he also loves :)

Ethan and his loot, the grabber was his favourite, but he loved it all.

Sam now takes Horsey to bed, and I snapped this smoochy pic before we went to bed. Sleeping babies - there's nothing like it!

Update: This blog has now moved to - Hope to see you over there!